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Day 11: The elephant in the room
How are you doing at finding something positive to praise and affirm in your wife each day? If you are struggling in your marriage, or feel she doesn't appreciate you, it might be difficult to avoid focusing on the negatives.
Read this fantastic advice from marriage-and-sex therapist Michael Sytsma, then look for and make a list of those real and positive things you appreciate about your wife. Write them in your personal notebook or log them in your smartphone, and pick one as your affirmation for today. Then you can refer back to the list on other days.
Coach's corner:
Whatever you focus on will grow. Train yourself to focus on the very real positives – including how she feels about you. Even among the most struggling couples on our surveys, 97% said they cared about their mates. Your spouse almost certainly cares about you. Keep that firmly in mind.
If your wife tends to be critical, it is easy to think things like, "I can't do anything right for her" – but try to stop yourself. Instead, tell yourself what is probably the truth -- she doesn't realize how painful/irritating/belittling/frustrating her criticism is to you. Then look for ways she does appreciate you. As the research discovered:
"[As people did the Challenge,] the act of forcing themselves not to be negative, to find and say praiseworthy things, and to be generous each day had an unexpected side effect: they suddenly were attuned to the other person's point of view. Without really intending to, they found that they were putting themselves in the other person's shoes."
– The Kindness Challenge
As you think of things to affirm, make sure you know your Praise Profile via this quick online assessment!
The 30-Day Kindness Challenge is brought to you via our partnership with Shaunti Feldhahn, and is based on her research for The Kindness Challenge.
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